Blue Knot Day

Guilt and shame; the two loneliest emotions and a waste of a life. The weight of them drive people into addiction, crime, homelessness, self harm and suicide. The seed of them is so frequently child abuse.

Adults Surviving Child Abuse supports those who, as children, have been affected by sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, domestic violence, community violence, parents under the influence of substances and more. Childhood trauma is a societal problem that crosses over into many professions as those children grow up: the police force, drug and alcohol rehabilitation, social services, mental health and all manner of care programs, and so ASCA find themselves advising these sectors too. It’s a scourge that affects millions of lives in Australia, not just the four or five million thought to have personally experienced it, and it doesn’t discriminate against gender, postcode or socioeconomic background.

Then why is something this prevalent so taboo? Avoidance of the subject harms those affected the most – and lets the perpetrators off the hook. As a journalist trying to get child abuse stories into women’s magazines, teen magazines and young adult books, I’ve run into brick walls. So has ASCA’s Dr Cathy Kezelman, although with the return of Blue Knot Day this October 29th to raise public awareness, she remains hopeful.

“We’ve had some success infiltrating the media, but I’ve had the same experience as you,” Cathy, a former GP, says, “both personally in publishing my own story [Innocence Revisited] and also organisationally in terms of getting non-sensationalist coverage with media and securing corporate sponsorship with companies that want to align with a good cause. Although many survivors show remarkable resilience, others struggle in various ways. Some are homeless, or have substance issues or mental health issues, so there’s a double stigma if you like. It’s very frustrating but also surprising, given the prevalence of abuse. One in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused in Australia. A rape in adulthood would be horrific, but imagine being sexually molested as a child on a weekly basis and the trauma that causes to the developing brain. We’re talking about compounded cumulative trauma.”

While Kezelman concedes that organised religion has a poor history of protecting children, she believes the problem of brushing abuse under the carpet is wider spread. “For most people, family tends to be quite sacrosanct, and abuse doesn’t fit into their perceptions of family life. Children who are abused take on a very acute sense of shame and self-blame. That’s perpetuated by both the perpetrators and a society that doesn’t want to hear, or by a family that wants to keep up appearances. So a lot of people never disclose their abuse.”

The reasons for silence on the part of the victim, even upon reaching adulthood, can be manifold. There’s the fear of having your experience dismissed or not believed. The fear of negatively impacting new relationships and involving people ill-equipped to understand. And child abuse is a subject that implicates more people than just the perpetrator. Speaking out points the finger, malevolently or not, at family members and friends; those who could have potentially stepped in. Sharing the load risks rocking the boat.

So there’s a definite need for an organisation aimed at supporting adults – and ASCA has become a model that’s leading the way for responding to trauma both nationally and internationally. “It’s a small organisation trying to do a great deal,” says Kezelman. “We run a support line which connects people with a trained therapist. We run educational workshops for survivors which help them connect what happened to them then with how they’re responding in the present, and gives them tools for positive change. Our approach moves away from the usual model of asking “What’s wrong with you?”, to acknowledging people’s coping strategies – that many people who have experienced traumatic things would have had certain responses.”

Too frequently, someone seeking professional help in adulthood can find themselves prescribed medication as the only response or being pathologised and diagnosed with a personality disorder. The symptoms of borderline personality disorder, for instance, fit some of the responses of someone traumatised by sexual abuse but are certainly not the whole picture or a useful way of labelling.

“Another major thing ASCA does is advocacy,” says Kezelman, “in trying to change Federal Government policy around complex trauma. We’ve just finished a substantial set of practice guidelines for practitioners and organisations. They’re not signed off by the Government yet, but they’re endorsed by substantial national and international bodies and practitioners. It’s a question of educating doctors that two-thirds of people that present with mental health problems have experienced either sexual or physical abuse in childhood.”

ASCA recommends that treatment responses incorporate a variety of approaches. The aim is to avoid the retraumatisation that victims can experience once they find themselves in the system, by an approach built on respect, trust and self-empowerment.

“It is most important for someone who’s been abused is to have their story validated and listened to,” Kezelman says. “I don’t think anyone can judge another person’s trauma. Different people who experience the same sort of thing can have very different reactions depending on different factors. It’s very complex. There’s the age of the abuse, there’s how frequent it was, whether there was someone there to listen, and variations in personality, natural resilience and inner strength.

"It’s about understanding that person’s unique experience and how it continues to affect them in the present, and helping them find ways to recover. There are much more positive messages from neuroscience these days. When I was at university we were told you had a certain number of neurons and then they start dying. Now we know the brain can repair itself and you can change the scripts, so there’s a real chance for recovery.”

What can you do this Blue Knot Day?

ASCA is calling on all Australians to support the cause by visiting www.asca.org.au/blueknotday to donate. Here you can get involved in events that help adult survivors reconnect with their families, friends and communities as well as purchase friendship bracelets to wear as symbols of hope and recovery for those who have survived abuse.

This year’s campaign will feature a range of key activities including:

For the full range of activities and details being held during the Blue Knot week, October 29th – November 4th, please visit www.asca.org.au

If support is required please call ASCA’s support line on 1300 657 380 or visit the website.

Statistics on childhood trauma and abuse in Australia