My Cue Cards: Jason Chong

My housemate
My housemate is one of my best friends, but he hasn’t lived out of home before. I have seen him in the kitchen with a pot full of fire, which he tried to fix by pouring the fire down the drain. He cleans the oven with dishwashing liquid and the dishes with Jif. And for some reason there is now carpet melted onto the iron. But he calls wine “Jesus Juice” and bought me an Easter egg even though I didn’t buy him anything so we’re cool. If you’re ever bored on twitter, check out #livingwithtrennas

Fantales wrappers
Here is what my Fantales wrapper will say: Jason Chong. Born 1.4.80. His first role was as Japeth, third son of Noah in his year 1 school play. Did not act again until he did a “solid” for a lazy classmate in film school.  Made a promising start in comedy, but moved to LA and failed. Tried several dramatic roles, but was fired for “doing schtick” in Sophie’s Choice 3: Chicken or Beef (2016).  After losing role after role to John Cho, eventually gained notoriety in 2036 by attempting to eat 10kg of Fantales in 90 minutes and exploding.

Hipsters of both varieties
I was talking to some hipster briefs the other day, and they were saying how tired they are of being compared to hipster people. But the similarities are undeniable. Both proudly show off their 32-year-old lunchbox and they would both look better without the greasy cowlick. They both are trying hard to fit in places, but just end up hanging around, smelling like an old fella. The difference between a hipster and a butthole is very little. Oh yeah, and they support Peter Bjorn and John, which is also what I call my genitals.

Jason Chong will be appearing at the Last Laugh at the Comedy Club, June 15 and 16.