They’re a chain of bakeries that sell the weirdest food ever. Sick of your regular pastries? Try their tuna Danish. Want a new cupcake flavour? They’ve got bacon. Think that doughnut is full of jam? Wrong! It’s asparagus! It’s like a bakery crossed with a Japanese game show. People love it though; they’ve got stores all over the world and they’re always packed with people buying chocolate radish cakes. Whenever I fear a joke’s too weird, I imagine one of their bakers making a pork éclair and think, “Well, there’s a market for everything...”
There was a guy who lived with grizzly bears. He said the bears would never hurt him. He was wrong. One day the bears got hungry and ate him. Having a naked monkey hanging round was probably funny at first, but once the bears ran out of salmon they reevaluated his place on the food chain. I think being a comedian is bit like this; never assume the crowd loves you, you gotta earn your place. It inspires me to keep creating new jokes, or catching fresh salmon (depends if I’m trying to entertain a bunch of humans or bears).
Digital TV channels
Stations like GO! and 7Mate are really changing the TV landscape. Finally someone’s screening rarely seen gems like M.A.S.H. Their endless I Love Lucy marathons are great for people who’ve lived under a rock on Mars for the last 60 years, or suffer illnesses like insomnia or amnesia. In an age when any TV program is freely available online, they have the courage to screen six hours of The Flintstones back to back. They inspire me to go see some live entertainment…