The best TV in 2012

Game of Thrones

Pitch: Assemble knights from a fantasy realm, liberally add sex and violence, marinate in sorcery and dragon lore, add a sprinkle of incest and bake slowly over 13 episodes and you’ve got the return of 2011’s coolest show.
Stars: Peter Dinklage, Charles Dance and Emilia Clarke.
Turn off: Sometimes the sex and violence intrudes on the story. And vice versa.
Turn on: Imps, castratos, dragonesses and assassins playing bloody mind games.
Wildcard: Was killing off the lead character at the end of season one bravery or stupidity?
Airs in April, Showcase

Bikie Wars: Brothers in Arms

Pitch: From the producers of Nine’s Underbelly franchise comes a dramatisation of the feud between bikie gangs the Comancheros and Bandidos leading up to the infamous 1984 Milperra Massacre that left seven dead and 28 injured.
Stars: Callan Mulvey, Susie Porter, Anthony Hayes and Luke Hemsworth.
Turn off: More stylised violence, soap stars in dress-up and “heroic” scumbags. 
Turn on: A six episode run means fast scripts, explosive violence and sharp acting.
Wildcard: Jeremy Lindsay Taylor (Underbelly Razor) put on 20kg of belly and beard for his role
Air date TBC, Ten

Hamish & Andy’s London Olympics Project

Pitch: Australia’s favourite besties take their New York Gap Year concept to Blighty as a lead-in to Nine’s coverage of the 30th Olympiad. Can two naughty boys fluff for 10,000 athletes in 302 events across 26 sports? We’re betting on comedy gold.
Stars: Hamish Blake and Andy Lee and a cast of unwitting celebs and sports stars.
Turn off: Gap Year’s comedy-on-the-fly meant plenty of gag gutter balls.
Turn on: H&A doing for London 2012 what Roy & HG did for Sydney 2000.
Wildcard: Will the Pomgolians be as fun to laugh at as the Yanks?
Airs in September, Nine

Downton Abbey

Pitch: Seven’s smash hit soap returns with war being waged across Europe and all manner of fiendish skirmishes happening within the Abbey (also now a makeshift military hospital). Expect plenty of star-crossed love, scheming and tea breaks.
Stars: Huge Bonneville, Maggie Smith and Elizabeth McGovern.
Turn off: The season two trailer is to the strains of an operatic ‘With or Without You’.
Turn on: A third season is already underway ensuring we can froth at leisure.
Wildcard: Nine have the Downton-esque Parade’s End starring Rupert Everett and Miranda Richardson and scripted by Sir Tom Stoppard scheduled in 2012.
Airs mid-year, Seven

Lowdown

Pitch: Scurrilous newshound Alex Burchill returns for another eight episodes in which he and faithful snapper Bob save their tawdry tabloid’s freefalling circulation by sparking sex scandals, outing sports stars, and setting up cheating TV chefs.
Stars: Adam Zwar (Wilfred), Kym Gyngell and cameos from Matt Preston, Brett Tucker, Colin Hay and Kimberley Davies.
Turn off: If you disapprove of phone-bugging or a woman’s right to marry her cat.
Turn on: Geoffrey Rush’s brilliantly bonkers narration.
Wildcard: Rupert Murdoch launches his own Sunday Sun tabloid in April.
Airs in June, ABC

Luck

Pitch: Stone-cold geniuses David Milch (Deadwood) and Michael Mann (Heat) unite on this series of one-hour episodes based in the murky world of horse racing with gambling, corruption and an all-star cast of “colourful racing identities”.
Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Nick Nolte, Dennis Farina and Kerry Condon.
Turn off: Lukewarm US reviews to the pilot make this prize pony an even-way bet.
Turn on: Mann and Milch alchemising with Rainman? Get ya backside trackside!
Wildcard: Milch owns two thoroughbreds himself, both Group One winners.
Airs in March, Showcase

Once Upon a Time

Pitch: This wonderfully warped drama/thriller carries the intriguing premise that Snow White, Jiminy Cricket, Little Red Riding Hood, Rumpelstilskin and co. are living in a small town with no memory (yet) of their alternate lives in fantasyland.
Cast: Ginnifer Goodwin, Robert Carlyle and Aussies Alan Dale and Emilie De Ravin.
Turn off: If you’re too old for high-camp, high-farce fairy tales.
Turn on: Trainspotting’s Begbie (Carlyle) is reborn as a demonic Rumpelstilskin
Wildcard: Lost’s executive producers Adam Horowitz and Ed Kitsis are behind it.
Airs in April, Seven

Mad Men

Pitch: The first show to win the Emmy for Outstanding Drama four years straight, MM5 returns with a two-hour premiere episode, ‘A Little Kiss’. Assuming the peck is Don Draper driven, is it with ex-wife Betty, new fiancée Megan or Big Red herself?
Stars: John Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery and January Jones.
Turn off: If you’re a stickler for responsible parenting.
Turn on: If you like hard liquor, soft sells, pliable morals and sublime scripting.
Wildcard: Will Hamm’s turn as a D-grade pig in Bridesmaids taint the A-grade swine he plays in Mad Men?
Airs Thu 12 April, 8.30pm, Movie Network

Tour de France

Pitch: SBS won awards galore and a huge audience for the 2011 Tour won by Aussie Cadel Evans, an amazing feat considering the wee-small-hours timeslot. With Evans re-contesting the 99th Tour in 2012, yellow jersey fever will hit an even higher gear.
Stars: Cadel Evans on the track, and Phil Liggett in the commentary box.
Turn off: Lycra bike shorts filmed from the rear.
Turn on: If you’re easily addicted to adrenaline sports and feats of endurance.
Wildcard: He’s already the oldest ever Tour winner. Can Cadel do it again aged 35?
Airs June 30–July 22, SBS

Rake

Pitch: Arguably the national broadcaster’s best show of 2011, Rake featured big name cameos (Sam Neill, Noah Taylor, Hugo Weaving) and twisted scripts that went where only drug-addled legal eagles dare. No wonder the US is remaking it.
Stars: Richard Roxburgh and Russell Dykstra. 
Turn on: To see Roxburgh’s louche lawyer descend deeper into the moral abyss.
Turn off: If you’re easily offended or need legal representation.
Wildcard: Alan Ball (Six Feet Under, True Blood) has confessed himself a fan.
Airs mid-year, ABC

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