Who's winning in Westeros? Find out here (minimal spoilers)
Season Two, Episode One
“He marries his daughters, and his daughters give him more daughters, and on it goes…”
Killings: 5 (1 in combat; 1 self-poisoning; 1 drowning; 1 stabbing; 1 slit throat)
Nude women: 2 (brothel girls)
Sex scenes: 0 (1 simulated)
Incestuous acts referred to: 2 (Cersei/Jaime, Crastor and family)
A livid red comet is cutting a gash across the skies above Westeros, an omen foretelling that Game of Thrones Season Two will live up to season one in terms of violence and gratuitous nudity.
We meet the drunken knight Ser Dontos (Tony Way) at the feast for King Joffrey’s naming day. Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) is able to trick the sadistic Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) into sparing Ser Dontos’s life. Sansa 1; Joffrey 0.
In Dragonstone, the dour Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) proclaims himself rightful king, burns the statues of the old gods and throws his faith behind the sexy sorceress Melisandre (Carice Van Houten) and her cult of the flame. Old gods 0; the Lord of Light 1.
In King’s Landing, Lord Baelish (Aiden Gillen) taunts Queen Regent Cersei (Lena Headey) with his knowledge of her incest. Cersei teaches Baelish a cruel lesson in the nature of power. Littlefinger 0, Cersei 1.
Joffrey decides that there are way too many of his late father’s bastards hanging around King’s Landing and that his crown will be safer if he stages a slaughter of the innocents. Joffrey 1, bastards 0.