First published on 6 Jun 2012. Updated on 15 Apr 2013.
1) Download the Conscience+ app for the morally bankrupt person in your life.
No comment from you is needed when the descriptor to Conscience+ says itself: “Conscience+ is here to help you through life’s most perplexing moral dilemmas. Based on the latest insights about human decision making, Conscience+ gives you the excuses you need to justify doing what you want to do…” Better still, it's free – you've already paid the price of your trust.
2) Get Justin Hinds and the Dominoes to sing it for you.
Leave the room and blast out ska tune ‘Rub Up, Push Up’ for its joyful refrain: “you know you were wrong”.
3) Send your sob story to Sociopath World.
While this networking hub is edited by a self-confessed sociopath, frequently empaths will write in for a whinge about the nutjob in their lives. There’s a handy side-bar of labels like “break ups”, “lying”, “loyalty” and “ruining people”, to fast-track you where you need to go for ammo.
4) Begin any correspondence with “Um…”
And throw in the phrase “I’m confused” somewhere along the line. “Um, I’m confused…” is acceptable. Oh, here are some angry fonts.
5) Write a "novel".
While in no way is the protagonist you, the diligent reader will note that said protagonist is shockingly hard done by, by one party in particular.
6) Send a Cryptic Tweet.
Showbiz journos love a Cryptic Tweet and so should you. You'll be in great company, for a start.
7) Write a public note. Anonymously.
"Dear My Fiance's Ex. Thanks for the Trichomas vaginalis parasite you passed to my fiance, that I’m having such a hard time getting rid of," begins one ace letter. Alternatively, you can get an email sent to that interviewer who failed to give you a job.
8) Make flagrant use of the :) emoticon.
Punctuated – for the daring only – by "x".