It's season finale time in Westeros and winter's closer than ever
Season Two, Episode Ten
“Treat your oaths recklessly and your people will do the same”
Defecating Horses: 1
Girls Who Laid With Lions: 3
Gods Mentioned In Wedding Vows: 7 (Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger)
Horn blasts at Winterfell: Nonstop
Horn blasts at the Fist: 3
Success is its own reward? What bollocks! For Tyrion Lannister, success is supposed to bring fame, riches, love and respect – enough for two men, let alone half of one. In the topsy-turvy world of Westeros, though, it is parents who live to embarrass their children, and none is better at that than the Lion himself, Tywin Lannister, who manages to ride in at the right time to take all the glory from his son, and his job in the process. Caesar said cowards die many deaths, but the valiant only one – but he got stabbed in the back too. Tywin Lannister 1 Tyrion Lannister 0.
Imagine going to an engagement party only for the groom to swat away his betrothed and take up with a girl he’s only just laid eyes on. And now imagine that you were the girl once set to be his happy bride. And now imagine that your husband-to-be is 14-year-old violent psychopath Joffrey Lannister. Of course, love is blind and lovers cannot see, but Littlefinger sees Sansa leaving the party smiling. Littlefinger 1 Sansa 1.
Out of the jaws of death climbs Brienne of Tarth! She’s an unfortunate looking lady, something her prisoner, Jaime Lannister, enjoys reminding her of throughout their long journey south. When this odd couple comes across three marauding northerners, their speed with honour must match their quick thinking, or it will be sin that rises while virtue falls. Brienne and Jaime 1 Northerners 0.
It is known for miles either side of the Twin Towers that if you prick Lord Walder Frey, he definitely does bleed. Having said "I will do... soonish" to one of the Lord’s daughters, our much-beloved King in the North, Robb Stark, proves the love of his heart to be richer than that of his tongue when he elopes with that nurse girl that wasn’t in the books but is very good looking. King Robb 1 Queen Talisa 1 Catelyn Stark 0 Lord Walder Frey 0.
Ten episodes ago, Theon Greyjoy was happily tupping a salty broad below deck – my how things change when the meek seek to rise above their station. Now he’s stuck in Winterfell, surrounded by North men rallied by Roose Bolton to retake the city and send Theon back to that Drowned God the Iron Men love so much. He has one last speech in him: "my boat, my boat, my kingdom for a boat!" Theon 0 Northerners 1.
Is this a dragon I see before me? Over in Qarth, the Warlock’s rough magic is causing mayhem for Daenerys, who is currently down her three fire-breathing reptilian children. But the force is strong in this Mother, and her confrontation with the new kings of this mysterious city brings surprising and disastrous results. Daenerys 1 Qarth 0.
The Starks like to say that Winter Is Coming, and this winter is bringing plenty of discontent for Ned Stark’s bastard Jon Snow. Deception, revenge and betrayal all dance on this icy stage, and if suspicious truly does haunt the guilty mind, young Jon has a tough winter ahead. Plus there’s an army of dead dudes out to get him so, you know, when it rains… Jon Snow 0 Winter 1.