A day in Sydney for FREE

7.30am Freegan contacts recommend the bins behind my local mall, the Broadway Shopping Centre as a place to score brekky. I arrive at the Coles loading dock, go through a garbage bag and find a packet of stale cupcakes. While I shove them into my face, truck drivers stare in pity.

8.30am From there I head to the Good Living Grower's Market at Ultimo. Pushing my way through a sea of laser-cut grey bobs I work through a UN food fight of free duck pate, smoked barramundi, wasabi olive oil, muesli bars, goat's cheese, Maltese salami and a temporarily unattended organic beef barbecue where I snaffle fistfuls of sausage and steak - suckers!

10am Fortified, I'm ready to look for free entertainment. My number one tip: the public gallery at murder trials. (Seriously, the best free show on earth.) Tragically, it's Saturday, so I head to Darling Harbour instead where I visit the Maritime Museum, Sydney's most underrated free institution. Excellent exhibition devoted to Charles Darwin and helpful old guys with cool stories about the war.

12 noon At Paddy's Markets I gorge myself on mandarin segments, grapes, chestnuts and Fuji fruit, but, other than two eggplants left on the pavement, Chinatown proves to be less of a bonanza than hoped. After a one-minute "massage sample" at Market City I take a punt and retrace my steps to the Fish Markets. My decision looks bad: there's nothing but wine tasting and I'm hungry. In desperation I ask a family if they'll give me their leftover oyster Kilpatrick. They are shocked but friendly: "Shame to waste it, mate." I wash it down with a sample glass of Verdelho. The first lesson of free stuff: ask and ye shall receive.

At the market I spy a guy selling The Big Issue - who better to ask? Unfortunately, other than soup kitchens, he has no suggestions. Dejected, I wander to where a crowd are gathered outside De Costi Seafood. Unbelievably, top quality fried squid is being doled out by the bowlful. Elbowing a determined Chinese grandmother out of my way I grab a wonton spoon and make like it'sHungry Hungry Hippos. "We're here every weekend," says the woman manning the stall, anxiously, as I finish my fifth mouthful. Walking back to the city I get a sample cupcake at some festival in Ultimo and a cup of free tea at Simon Johnson. While browsing the $300 foie gras it occurs to me that I now know more about scoring free stuff than the homeless.

2pm After lunch I head back into the city and catch a 555, the free CBD shuttle, to Wynyard. Backpacking has taught me that five-star hotels are a rich mine of the complimentary, so I investigate the Four Seasons' lobby. No luck: the toilet is magnificent but even the soap dispensers are glued down. I boost some loo paper and head to the Museum of Contemporary Art where a roster of free exhibitions and activities is complimented by a free art-themed colouring book for kids (optional Robert Mapplethorpe section).

Across the road, Customs House houses a library and international newspaper reading room, featuring everything from The New York Times to the venerable Hoju Dong-A Ilbo, and furnished with deep leather seats and Venetian chandeliers. Today there's also an exhibition and they're giving away promotional postcards of such exceptional quality that I am compelled to take eight.

Outside, a Wagnerian thunderstorm is brewing but a rainbow is actually coming out of the Opera House. Sydney Harbour: best free show on earth?

4pm Heading home, I try a few more luxury hotels - including the Marriott, Sofitel, and Hilton - but Myer is where the real value is: perfumes, moisturisers and lipstick. (Pauline Hanson's Hair is my colour.) Halfway home the storm breaks. I run to the Broadway mall. Downstairs, the refurbished Harris Farm is having a promotion. For the next half hour I eat apricot marinated chicken, ham, popcorn, sardines, cherry juice, cupcakes (what's with free cupcakes?) and two types of sausage, including wagyu beef. Ridiculous! At home I fry up the eggplant and make lemonade with fruit nicked from a local tree (legality: ambiguous) and sugar sachets swiped from a café (not really legal), then head out to do a round of liquor stores.

7pm On Saturday night free tastings are everywhere - one is giving away mini-champagne bottles! - and by the third shop I am, essentially, pissed. I meet a friend and she suggests we crash a gallery. Driving round Paddington we check the usual suspects but to no avail. Then - what's this? - an album launch at a posh pub. (A tip: when gatecrashing, walk frantically inside while on your phone, saying loudly, "We're at the gallery/party/Nicole's place now." Works every time.) Thin women are eating spring rolls and drinking free booze. The music is crap but we don't care. We open the champagne and raise a toast to thrift.

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