Arj Barker

Hi Arj. OK, before we start let me warn you: this is my first interview in a while. Everything's a little rusty.

We're honoured to be your first. You make us feel kind of special. Well Time Out's pretty cool you know. You guys are a pretty good publication. Especially for comedians. Checking Time Out is how stand up comedians get their gigs.

Stop it, you're making us blush. So what have you been up to today? Right now it's just after 5pm and I've been working on a song on my guitar, sitting in my study. There's a song in the show I'm bringing to Sydney. But right now I'm already working on new material for the show next year because you can't keep touring the same show. This song is about friendship.

Describe the show you're bringing to Sydney in one line. It's fun and silly and the hour will go by very quickly. I don't mean I'm going to quit after 35 minutes; I just mean time will fly.

What is it with you and the antipodes? Always touring Australia, doing TV shows with New Zealanders - why don't you just move here and be done with it? OK, will you sponsor my visa? And explain to my family why I won't be there at the holidays anymore? Huh? WTF man.

If you could make one apology, what would it be and to whom? [Pause] To you for getting a little snippy with you on the last question.

What was your nickname at school and why? Sloth-hack, because I was slow when it came to running and that kind of thing. Not sure where the 'hack' part came from. We were weird kids growing up.

Cheese or chocolate? Chocolate.

Mac or PC? Mac all the way.

Jemaine or Bret? Neither, as I won't pick favourites among my friends. A friend is a friend.

Is there going to be another series of Flight of the Conchords do you know, or are they going to stick at two and leave people wanting more? Jemaine's still on chat, I could ask him.

Have you been chatting with him today? No, but I saw that he was online on Facebook. Wait up... I don't see him now, he's kinda cagey. He's hard to track down. I don't know of any [new series] but I wouldn't rule it out some day. Maybe a Christmas special or something. But I know they want to tour Australia, I'm not sure if they have firm plans to, but they definitely brought it up. I can confirm that they're hoping to tour there at some point soon. I'd love to tour with them.

How similar are you to your Conchords character Dave? Well I hope I'm not quite as dumb as that guy. Unfortunately the character may have been based somewhat on their perception of me from the times we've hung out. But it's definitely an exaggerated version of my personality traits.

How much of Dave is your improvised creation and how much is scripted? The scripts were pretty tight by the time we got them and a lot of funny lines were already there. Although at the end of filming a scene they would often do another take and say: "OK, do what you want on this - just have fun" and you didn't have to stick to the script. It was a pretty loose atmosphere on the set. Sometimes we'd go on and on with improvising and you never knew what would make it into the finished product. So it was fun to watch the show, I haven't seen all of them, but I've seen most of them. I haven't got round to it. I don't sit around and watch that much TV.

Do you like watching yourself? No, because if I analyse it I'll find something that I don't like. I don't read about myself on the internet either. I can read ten nice things and one semi-mean thing and that is the one that I'll be thinking about. I don't read reviews and I don't search myself. I know a lot of comedians that Google themselves because they get some sort of rush off it and it is kind of exciting but it ends up with tears for me.

What do you find most baffling about Australians? How much you can swear and not seem crude at all.

What do you find most endearing about Australians? How much you let me swear without judging me.

The State Theatre is a pretty fancy venue. Have you been researching gentrified cuss words for your act? Can we have some examples? Fuck it! I mean Fudge it! Oh well, it's going to be an uphill battle I guess.

Arj and Poopy – explain. Awesome animated series about me and my cat (Poopy). It's drawn by Bernard Derriman, a super-talented animator who lives right there in Sydney. I'm so lucky to get to work with him, because he's seriously sick at what he does, and its soooo much work on his end, compared to what I do (write and record the dialogue). They're online at arjandpoopy.com  Take a look!

Who does stinkier farts: you or Poopy? Me, unfortunately.

Describe you perfect audience. I'm not being corny, or kissing up to you, but I've seen many a perfect audience down there, which is why I often record my DVDs in Sydney. I think we might be taping a new DVD during these shows at the State Theatre coming up. I've done my last two DVDs in Sydney and they've never let me down.

It's five minutes before you go onstage. What warm-ups are you going through? Just generally getting pumped, maybe a glance or two at my set list. No shadow boxing though. Sorry.

In what way are you turning into your father? I get mad at myself for not being careful with my money.

Give us a line of worldly-wise advice. Never trust a man with three knees.

We're coming around to dinner. What are you cooking? Well, I think it's a little rude that you think you can just show up on such short notice and expect me to cook dinner for you and your mates. But, since you're here, how about a nice bowl of GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE? Just kidding, but seriously, let's go out to the nice pizza place around the corner. There's nothing to see here.

If you could live in one place in the world other than where you currently live, where it would be and why? I'd like to live in Switzerland and raise goats for a while. Like maybe a few days.

Who or what annoys you most in the world? People over the age of six who sniffle over and over again, when they could just blow their noses and be done with it. The sound really grosses me out.

Write your own epitaph. Here lies a man who isn't dead yet. Quick! Someone get a shovel! Dan Rookwood