Bulmer's Best of the Edinburgh Festival

Jason Cook represents for the Bulmer's Best of the Edinburgh Festival  

How can we laugh as the world slides into chaos? We should laugh because the world is sliding into chaos. As civilization crumbles our only option is to giggle about it otherwise we may as well just top ourselves now. "At the end of the world the loudest laugh shall be heard from the wisest of men" - do you know who wrote that? Me, just now, and I'm a professional comedian, I fucking know what I'm talking about.

What punchline have you longed to find a joke for but never quite managed? You can pretty much always find a punchline, if you stare at a joke for long enough, although sometimes it's not as good as you'd like it to be. You birth it. My jokes are like my children, some of my jokes are my "do well and university, marry a model and become president" jokes and some are my "ginger haired stepchild" jokes. But I love them all the same (LIES).

If you could call a moratorium on one over-used stand-up premise, what would it be? The difference between cats and dogs. Can we please move on from it? WE GET IT! Cats are independent and quite crafty, whereas dogs are loyal and daft. Whenever I hear something about it I just want to hurt myself in the ears to make it stop. And beat a cat to death with a dog.

Bill Hicks or Bill Cosby? Depends on the situation doesn't it? You haven't SPECIFIED in the question, that's what's happened there. Could be anything couldn't it? Dinner Party, fight, orgy, gig, anything (Cosby, Hicks, Hicks, Cosby).

Does your mother approve of your career choice? Oh yes, very much so. She thinks it's actual "showbiz", but she doesn't like how much I swear. I flew her out on tour with me to New Zealand last year - because that is how I roll, people - and it's very strange having a tour manager who tells you off for drinking and tries to tuck you in at night.

What's the one subject that you've never been able to make a joke about? Someone tried to stab me last year in Adelaide on the weekend the Clipsal came to town. I've never been able to make that funny. And I've done shows about me dear old dad dying of cancer!? 

If your comedy was a musical genre, what would it be? Spoken word - comedy. That is a really odd question. If this magazine was an ice-cream flavour, what would it be? Odd question, but a goodie, had me thinking for about half an hour, and will probably bother me for the rest of the day.

Of what comedian would you most like to hear about the mysterious, asteroid-collision-related disappearance? Ooh, this is a blinder, I wonder who will answer this honestly? Comedians are a bitchy bunch, but none have the bravery to commit that to press. I should probably say whoever mentions my name in answer to this question.

Complete: Two men walk into a bar... with an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and a horse; one of the men has a 12 inch dwarf playing a piano on his shoulder, the other has a talking parrot; a chicken from across the road sees them and starts to make his way over to join them, not noticing the banana skin in his path; just as they all file through the door, the light bulb blows and as they are all staring at it wondering how many of them it is going to take to change it, the barman says "Are you taking the fucking piss?"

What do you want to be when you grow up? A wise giant

What's the funniest thing about Sydney? Seeing as I have never been there at the time of this interview I shall pick a random Wikipedia fact: "Sydney also ranks among the top 10 most livable cities in the world according to Mercer Human Resource Consulting and The Economist"

In 30 words or less, explain what your show is about and why everyone should go and see it. Because it is the BEST of the Edinburgh fest. The BEST. The word BEST is in the title. So it is obviously BRILLIANT. Which it is.