Standing solid for 50 odd years just right off Tom Ugly’s Bridge in the heartland of Sylvania is this old school burger joint. The straight burger is a little lacklustre so order The Lot – grilled pineapple, bacon, a fried egg and melted packet cheese all on a soft sesame seed bun. There’s no time to ponder fromage plastique over vanilla milkshakes or fresh pineapple crush – as soon as you enter what looks like a 1970s milk bar you’re faced with someone patrolling the line taking orders and you’ve gotta think quick. The best solution is to play it straight (the lot, the lot or the lot) with a milkshake (stock standard) and chips (DIY packet salt in a paper bag) then stroll down to the jetty a few minutes away to enjoy.
What makes this burger so special is the fact it’s completely unexceptional and utterly Aussie old school. There’s no sign of wagyu slaughtered by virgins under a half moon, organic sourdough buns baked fresh by midgets, eggs handplucked from the feathered freckles of broody Bolivian hens or manicured chips handcarved from the vegetated womb of golden-hued potatoes. Yet, for all its working class grunt you’ll still be lucky to get a park at Paul’s at lunchtime on weekends, such is its fanbase of truckies, teenagers and road-weary family wagoners.