Game of Thrones scorecard: Season two, episode two

“Another king? How many is that now, five? I’ve lost count.”

Killings: 1 (beheading)
Nude women: 3 (1 whore, 1 sorceress, 1 captain’s daughter)
Sex scenes: 4 (1 below decks, 2 in a brothel, 1 over a map of the realm)
Incestuous acts referred to: 3 (Cersei/Jaime, Crastor/Gilly, Theon/Asha)  
Dragons: 0

Daenerys and her followers are dying of thirst and hunger in the Red Wastes. She sends riders out to see what lies beyond, but Rakharo’s horse returns with something nasty in its saddlebag. Red Wastes 1, Daenerys 0.

In King’s Landing, Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) invites his sister’s pawn, Janos Slynt (Dominic Carter), to dinner, but has something unusual planned for his (just) desserts. Tyrion 1, Janos Slynt 0.

Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) arrives back home in the Iron Islands after nine years as a ward of the Starks. He expects a warm welcome. Instead, his sister taunts him and his father, Balor Greyjoy (Patrick Malahide), disowns him. Theon 0, Balon 1.

The alluring Asshai witch Melisandre (Carice Van Houten) tells Stannis (Stephen Dillane) that he must “give all of himself” to the Lord of Light in order to be king. Luckily, giving all of himself involves hot sex with Melisandre. Lord of Light 1, Stannis 1.

Game of Thrones season 2 scorecard